I'll never forget that day in 7th grade when I was standing up in front of my entire class, and all of a sudden I couldn't speak. I was scared they were judging me, making fun of me in my their minds, and picking apart everything I was saying. That day forever changed me. It's funny...I can remember exactly what I was wearing. A grey Wisconsin sweatshirt with my hair tied back. I went home in a panic wondering if there was something wrong with me. I was so embarrased.
Why do we work ourselves up over the silliest things? So what if they don't agree with what I'm saying, who cares if I screw up on a sentence. I'm human. To this day, I find myself before speaking, questioning if I'm saying it right and making sure I don't make myself look stupid. (which happens often) & you know what....that is what makes memories, and conversations fun. And guess what? I bet most people don't even remember this day in 7th grade, yet I thought it was the end of the world.
I'm going to be a teacher someday. & being up in front of 30 people is going to be a daily task. I admire those that have no fear, that can speak clear and confident, but I'm working towards that!
Tonight I was helping out with some confirmation students here at Stout, and I was assigned a group to talk to about my experiences. For some reason, I wasn't too nervous. I don't know if it was God guiding me, or my confidence growing. When I sat down with these students and started talking, I noticed myself picking up more on the eyes wondering and finger twitching, but hardly noticed when I saw head nods and smiles. Then I remembered that it didn't matter if they didn't agree, or if I wasn't the comedian of the show. I was proud of myself for at least putting myself out there. Once I relaxed, so did the group.
From time to time we have to remind ourselves that changes don't happen over night. It takes experiences and time to change. Not focusing on the negative will give you a more positive outcome. I guess my advice to myself and others seeking a change is: Deep Breath. Happy Thoughts. Patience.
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